I have learned an important lesson

Actually, I've learned TWO important lessons. First and foremost: If you're going to experiment with mixing drinks after getting off work on Cinco de Mayo, you need to make sure, whatever you do, that you DON'T start experimenting with the 151 Rum before anything else. 

Ouch.

After an hour of mixing and sampling, I'd used a third of my Bacardi 151, a quarter of a carton of pineapple juice, some spiced Rum, two matches, and all the Blue Curacao I had left.  Plus I'd scalded my fingers twice trying to pick us a shot glass filled with burning 151.  I was also shit drunk, and when people tried to ask me how to make my final yummy concotion, I couldn't exactly recall what proportions of what went into the mix.  So, when my boss called me to ask me how the work day went after his first day on vacation, I inform him I'm the "Easter Bunny," and that I enjoy "hippity hopping" down "Bunny Lane."  After a moment of silence, he says he'd always thought I exaggerated my antics when inebriated, and apologized for ever doubting me.  I told him that this was fine, and that I had to excuse myself to go "distribute Candy and painted eggs" before that "bastard Claus" started "working my turf."  He asked me if I thought I'd be sober enough to work on Monday.  I told him I promised nothing, and hung up.

Note to self:  Never give boss home telephone number.  Check.

I then went on to harass my friends, break an old wine goblet that I don't know how to replace, and drunkenly run a mock mass combat for my Exalted (roleplaying game) players, when I instituted a drinking game: whoever wins iniative takes a shot, whoever damages their target takes a shot, whoever gets damaged takes a shot, etc.  I then swiftly realized that since they were only playing their one character and I was playing three NPCs and a horde of Zombies, math was not on my side in this endeavor.

Again: Ouch.

The more astute of my readers may have noticed I said I learned TWO lessons in all of this.  And I did, although the second wasn't learned until this morning, which is namely this:  If, after a night of hard drinking, you plan on relaxing on your couch with a nice, virgin glass of pineapple juice, make absolutely sure that you are, in fact, grabbing your non-alcoholic glass of juice rather than someone's leftover Pine-gina before taking a big, hearty swig.

Say it with me, one last time:  Ouch, damn it.

I'm eating something solid and drinking a gallon of water, after making DAMN sure it's not actually coconut rum or vodka in disguise.  That could be bad, since I suspect my liver has put up a "Back on Tuesday" sign and gone fishing.