Starship Josh: Birth of a Nation

We all know what time it is. Time for:

Starship Josh: Birth of a Nation

[The Bridge is, once again, trashed.  Crew members are scattered about, and Id is passed out in the command chair in his underwear, with his pants on his head like a jester hat.  Commander SuperEgo walks in.]

SuperEgo:  I...see.  I'm pretty sure I know what happened here, but...Memory?

Voice of Memory on Speaker: Oui, Commandant?

S.Ego:  [Slap hand to head, Sighs]  I want to be surprised.  I'm not, but I want to be.  Ego?

[Ego enters the bridge.  Rising out of his shirtcollar, traveling up his neck to his right cheek, is a giant penis drawn onto his face in black ink.]

[S.Ego and Ego look at each other]

S.Ego:  So...still won't come off?

Ego: [Right eye flutters, inhales]  No, sir.  Id used permanent ink.

S.Ego:  [Gestures to Id in the command chair] Well, by happy coincidence, I need Id dragged back to his quarters.  Think you can handle that?

Ego:  Oh, I think so, sir. [Takes out Sharpie, flicks off the cap.]  I think I'm extremely capable.

[Grabs Id's ankle, hauls him out of the chair, begins dragging him off the bridge.]

Ego: I need an inhibition squad with a case of permanent markers to Id's chambers, on the double! [Leaves]

S.Ego:  Ego, I don't think...oh, never mind.  All right, Memory, what happened?

Memory:  Dans deux mots, Pat Songy.

S.Ego:  [Grunts]  That'll do it.  Anything interesting happen?

Memory: Bien, oui. Nous avons parlé, nous avons bu, nous avons joué "le Cercle de Mort" et "Jamais J'a Jamais," alors...

S.Ego:  Wait, wait..."Cercle de Mort," Circle of Death I got, but...Jamais, that's ever or never, J'a, j'a...I have! "Ever I have Nev..." Oh, fuck.

Memory:  C' est que j'ai dit.

S.Ego:  We played "Never Have I Ever?"  Do we still have friends?

Memory:  Non, non, c'est bien. Songy et Branwyn ont joué, aussi, donc nous étions dans la bonne compagnie.

S.Ego:  Those two played, too?  Oh, good, at least we had company in our shame.

Memory:  Oui, Monsieur. C'est un morceau brouillé, mais il y a quelque chose des chiens et de la corde et le séminaire.

S.Ego:  [Moment of Silence]  I have no idea what you just said and have decided that I am happier this way.  To celebrate, I am shutting us down again and engaging the napping protocols.

Senesors:  Commander!  Cell phone ringing detected at 11 o'clock!

S.Ego:  That's still too early.  Hands, ears!

Auditory:  Commander, it's Kris!  She wants us to bring her Benadryl at work!

Ego on Speaker:  Let's do it, Sir!  We all love riding in like a white knight!

S.Ego:  Ego, do you truly propose to play the white knight while wearing, what [checks visual], a doo-rag, sunglasses, and an "Also Available in Sober!!" shirt?

Ego:  ...Sure, why not?

[Pause]

S.Ego:  There's no part of this plan I don't love.  Let's do it.

*Fin*